the habit...

I took a few moments out of my evening to go have a drink (or maybe a few.) I find that moderate drinking brings out memories that have been locked deep inside for a very, very long time. This evening my thoughts drifted toward my mother - not surprising considering the last two weeks have been all about her.

During my trip home this time I picked up on a quality that I happen to possess that neither my brother nor sister are blessed with - a positive attitude. Granted that my sister's life was pure chaos for a day or so not to mention the fact that she's been dealing with the day-to-day with mom. However, it's clear from past performance that this was not a one-time thing. Likewise with my brother - he's physically distant like me, but he clearly had a different response to the latest crisis.

To be specific - my sister and brother were talking even before I got home about us having to make what might be a very difficult decision. The scenario as it presented itself was this - 80 year old woman with a history of medical problems - not all heart related - had a heart attack. After exploring the situation the doctors found an artery with 90% blockage, one with 60% blockage and most troubling of all a fairly large aneurism on her aortic arch. To complicate matters she had a valve that wasn't working properly and a hole in her heart between the chambers - neither of which caused the heart attack but should be fixed as preventative maintenance. Further tests were ordered to evaluate her ability to withstand the surgery required to fix this scenario.

My sister and brother kept talking about - what if the surgery is really, really risky? What would we "decide" then? At one point my brother asked me point-blank in front of my mother what I would do. My response was that I'd wait for all the test results to come back and then I'd rely heavily on the surgeon's opinion. He's the one that has done this before and he's the best to judge the feasibility. In the end they'd created all this drama around a "decision" that never came to be. The surgeon got all the test results back and came in to give us the news that he'd scheduled the surgery.

In a one-on-one discussion with my mother after the surgery was scheduled but before it happened she asked me what I thought. I said, "the surgeon seemed pretty confident to me. If he had any hesitation about your ability to make it through the surgery, I'm pretty certain that he'd have discussed it with us. And, I have every confidence that he will do the best that he can." This wasn't some bullcrap that I was feeding her to make her feel better - this was my honest evaluation of the situation. I asked mom what she thought and she said that she wasn't afraid of dying and that she had every confidence in the doctor as everyone raved about him. My sister and brother both were hesitent and on edge from the time the surgeon made the call.

At the end of the day anything could have happened. All surgery is risky. They could have found things they never expected. There could have been other complications. They may not have been able to revive her from the heart/lung machine. She could have developed an infection. All that said - is there anything we could have done about any of that? No. Is there any way that worrying about it could have helped? No.

I clearly get my positive outlook from my mother. Perhaps it's not a habit she developed when my sister and brother were growing up? They are much older. Perhaps it's a habit she developed as she grew older and wiser? Well, whatever happened I'm very glad that she passed it on to me. It's the one quality that I can point out that has had a major impact on my life - both personally and professionally. I can't imagine life without it.

Thank you mom! I love you!