2,295 days...

it's a very strange phenomenon, the sudden end of a long relationship. sudden end even though it was building for some time. abrupt. at first I was in shock. could this really be happening? is it just a bad dream? it was like everything I knew to be fact in life had just become fiction.

out of nowhere the person you leaned on for comfort - the rock that had always been there - is no longer there.

then the terrible sadness set in. I honestly don't recall ever having been so sad in my life. I'm sure I must have been at some point, but I just don't remember. I never felt so alone. right to the core. for days feeling like the wind was just knocked out of me.

mixed emotions. wanting to comfort at the same time not wanting to touch. wanting so desperately to hold, but just can't. wanting to hate and hating that I want to hate but so glad I can't.

thankful that I'm not the "draw the curtains, pull the covers over my head" type. thankful for such a strong positive outlook. worried that maybe I'm just bottling up something that will explode at the least opportune time. or maybe just further validation that I'd checked out some time ago.

strange, strange days.