to gym or not to gym...that is the question

last evening we were reviewing the itinerary for our gay boy cruise in september. as we were running through our heads how the vacation is going to go we started to get very excited. we've been on two cruises before - just us - and while they were relaxing it was hard to whoop it up when we were trying to stay low-key around the middle america contingent. this time it's certain to be much more fun.

while it's not one of those circuit party arrangements, it is a bunch of gay boys. from pittsburgh, yes, but gay boys nonetheless. which leads me to my dilemma - to gym or not to gym.

motivating factors:

• wish to maintain recent weight loss (11 pounds) due to illness; already headed back up the scale
• going to be 37 this year and not getting any younger, already finding myself much more susceptible to injuries (like rolling over in bed and throwing out my back)
• and, of course, would like to look decent - if not HOT - on vacation in September

so why the dilemma? seems like a no-brainer. certainly reasonable motivating factors - not just looks goals, but health ones as well. as the nike ads say "just do it"???

the issue is that I suffer from gymaphobia. yes, I'm afraid of the gym. why, you ask? there are several factors. a) don't like crowds b) don't like doing things I'm not "good" at in front of others who are good c) the whole socialization thing d) the cruisiness factor at gyms (even in PA it felt sleezy)

these are the things that have prevented me from successful gym membership attendance in the past. well, that and the fact that I didn't really want to workout with co-workers at the cheap corporate gym. twice in the past I have maintained relatively good gym attendance. the first was when my boyfriend at the time signed me up for his gym. my move to san francisco put the kiebosh to that. then after I moved here I went to the gym at work for a good 6 months (at least 3 days a week). that streak was thwarted by illness - the common cold if I remember correctly.

so, I'm asking myself "what are the keys to success? what will motivate me to keep at it this time?" I've been thinking about it pretty regularly for about a month now - ever since the discovery of my lost 11 pounds. perhaps I should speak to a gym representative who could help suggest things - surely they run into this type of thing all the time. perhaps a personal trainer? they would show me what to do with the machines and weights and push me to meet my fitness goals (at least they better for the fees they charge).

ugh...what to do????